One day of beauty

Nobody solves a problem like Maria.

I've recently joined a gym here in Bristol. I was hoping the classes would be like something I'd done in the US. They offer similar classes but so far the overall experience is very different. For one I can't understand the teachers- both have had very strong accents that when shouted very quickly causes me to miss atleast some of the point. Both teachers were male. That was a new one for me as well. Teacher number one looks just like Nick Lachey except he's english and tries to kill you through spinning! Its a little unsettling when Nick Lachey is staring at my legs going on about we should speed up. Translation I SHOULD speed up.

That class turned out to be a dream once I got to my next one : Circuits. Its like the boot camps I've done before but a zillion times worse. That guy didn't look a thing like spinning Lache but he was equally murderous.

I miss my aroebics group pictured above. We all worked out together for over a year. Tuesday and Thursday night step class and Thursday morning spin. It was awesome. It was more like a family all because our wonderful instructor Maria made it that way. I have a feeling I am not going to find that here... Spinner Lichey and circuit man don't seem to be the type.

Maybe the gym will help me meet at least one person. This alone time is getting to me! Just a couple more weeks until the first Bristol Yankees meeting. That should be interesting at the very least. BUT MOST OF ALL.. I'll be home in less than three weeks and am staying for two weeks! That my friend is the best news ever.

Below is just ONE of the reasons I can't wait to get home. Meet my beautiful neice Kyara!

English Encounters.

My favorite thing about Bristol is how pretty it has been this fall :) We need a new camera battery charger, I happened to get this picture before it died.

Now onto the encounters... So most days I live in silence because I have no one to talk to thanks to the time difference and lack of knowing people here. Oh and my husband works all day! The last two days I've had some interesting breaks in the silence when on my way to or waiting for the bus.

Encounter # 1:

English man: Can I park anywhere here or is there visitor parking?
American: All spots with numbers belong to an apartment. Visitor is over there.
English man: Thanks
The American starts to walk away and the English yells: I can't wait until your election is over. I am sick of hearing about it...
The American smiles and continues to walk away.

Encounter # 2:

American waiting at the bus stop: Do you know where you can buy bus passes?
English man: Asking the bus driver would be your obvious answer.
American feeling like an idiot: Oh yes, thank you.
English man: Are you from Canada?
American: No, I am from America, Seattle actually.
English man: Oh yes..there is a movie from there isn't there? Something about being in Seattle?
American: You mean Sleepless in Seattle. Yes.
English man: That was a good movie wasn't it?
American: Yes
English man: Don't they make cars in Seattle too?
American looking confused: I don't think that is what Seattle is known for to my knowledge.
English man: Don't know much do ya?

Ahhhh the return of my silence is welcomed. :)

Alligator tears.

It happened. The first big cry. Only 8 days into this new life of mine! We were going to bed last night and I just looked and Mark and said "I feel like crying..." So I did. It was a I want to go home cry... a I need a job cry... a I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my job cry. Most of all it was a good cleansing cry that ended just as quick as it started.

After I was done and my poor husband was going to sleep much later than he should because of THE cry...he asked if I was ok and if anything had sparked it. I said no.. I'm just transitioning.

Today is a new day. I'm so far tear free and just back from a long jog. Tonight we go to curry with Mark's colleagues/friends. :)

Bristol City Centre.

I was able to successfully find and take public transportation into Bristol today. Sadly Whole Foods is no longer in Bristol.. that I could find anyway! So I went to Starbucks to make myself feel better. It worked :)
I did some more shopping to make our home a little more complete. Nothing big unfortunetly, just paper towels and anti bacterial soap. Could I be any more boring?

My sister will be having a baby any day now! Its crazy! and sad I won't be there. Thankfully I'll get to see them both when she's still a little baby.

I miss my job! I miss HAVING a job. Sooonnn hopefully I can get one!

Oh England.

WELL! I am finally here and settled...ish. We had our second wedding celebration this last weekend. I should be getting pictures soon! We had a ceremony followed by a reception with a live band. It was crazy doing it all over again..although they were sooo different its hard to say we did anything AGAIN. The ceremony involved hymns and kneeling. Our Seattle ceremony was far from formal. I will post with pictures soon.

As for the big move..its been interesting. We arrived a week ago today and Mark had to leave the next morning to put in a couple days at work. I stayed behind at his parent's house. We are now both in Bristol- where he works. Today is actually my first day on my own for about 10 hours since Mark is working long days. Its VERY weird not having a job and being in a place you don't really know how to get around. I did have an outing today and got all turned around and ended up going in a big circle rather than getting anywhere THEN the instant I realized I was back where I started I slipped on a patch of moss and fell!! What the heck? How embarrassing! So since I was back at the apartment I went in to change my muddy pants and tried again. This time I found the shops I was looking for. Now I know how to get to the main road that will take me to the city center tomorrow..once I figure out the buses. :) My big day tomorrow consists of WHOLE FOODS. I can't wait to go there. I am a little homesick of course so I remedy that by listening live to 103.7 The Mountain online. :)

As you can see my life is super exciting now... I clean, do laundry,exercise, cook, read, and walk around. I hope after a week or so I figure the area out a little more. Sadly we have to move to another place mid November so I'll have to start all over.. but that's OK cause then I'll know TWO WHOLE AREAS of Bristol.

While this new life is a lot to get used to its worth it! I do love seeing Mark every day!!

More to come with photographs.. You have to see how the English dance at weddings. It was pretty awesome.

BIG CHANGES!

WE'RE MARRIED AND LIVING IN ENGLAND NOW! More pictures and posts to come! I am using a very slow computer but will have access to a faster one early next week :)

Will write again soon!

Mrs. Mark Underwood

Wait! Slow down!

Time moves faster than I can handle these days! I feel like yelling HEY! STOP AND GIVE ME A MINUTE! Unfortunetly that just does not happen.

I will be married 28 days from now. Can you believe that? I hardly can. I am more than excited to see Mark! Its less than three weeks from now. It has been almost 4 months!

The final wedding details are tedious but necessary. I guess you have to actually send invitations for people to show up ;) I have sent out about 100 so far.. Crazy. I didn't realize I knew so many people. Correction- I don't know so many people, My mom and dad do!

The Sahli family, post Papa's stroke, is still trying to cope. Each in their own way. Like I said before we haven't actually come together like some families do. Maybe in time that will change.

Papa is doing pretty well. He had another small stroke last weekend but it was so small it didn't leave permanent damage that we can see. He is up on Whidbey Island until his house near Seattle finishes. I can't wait until he's closer. I can only see him on weekends now and with only two more before Mark is here they are VERY full. Trying to move and get everything squared away for the wedding takes quite a bit of time in the last month! It will be hard for me to leave my family. I think the space will be good right now but when I think about the long term I feel a bit sad.

Overwhelmed.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed. Here are pictures of days when I was feeling pretty darn good!

The link I promised two posts ago.

http://unclutterer.com/2008/03/07/reader-suggested-clutter-busting-game-im-moving-overseas/

THIS WAS MY INSPIRATION IN GIVING MY THINGS AWAY :)

A story written in red and black.

This picture is from the 2008 DoubleDay bikeride for ALS. Karyn, myself, Annie, and Gina are at the second rest stop(Day 1) in Laconner in the picture above.

Its a beautiful two day ride through Skagit Valley. Day one is for the most part flat and relatively easy. I say that because I've done it 7 times with barely ever training at all. On day two- I definetly feel my lack of training!

Our yellow vested team rides in loving memory of Aaron McNulty. He passed away in January of 2006. If you look closely at my vest you'll see years printed on the left side. The first years in red and 2006 and on in black. The red represents the years Aaron was there cheering us on and the black represents the years following his death. The last year Aaron was there he had barely any movement left in his body but I'll always remember as we started day one he was at the starting line in his wheelchair smiling and moving his leg just a little bit..his way of sending us off. I pictured it so vividly this year as I started each days ride...

It is a horrible disease. I promised Aaron the last time I saw him that I would do this ride every year until there was a cure or until my legs won't allow me to. So far I've kept that promise! Aaron talked about how after his death Team McNulty might eventually end or get smaller...that we'd be less motivated to be a part of this ride. For some people- this may turn out to be true but for many of us its just not so! Good friends of mine- Dan and Gina who never even met Aaron joined our team in 2007 and returned this year as well. Its hard not to when you see the faces of those with ALS or you hear the stories of the ones who have already passed. It is a disease with no cure and that's what keeps people motivated to return. Once you've experienced being close to ALS you can't turn your back on it! I look forward to next summer when I recruit Mark! :)

Yellow bowl memories.

I've started going through all of my things in preperation to move. I was recently inspired to look at this entire process differently and to let go, get rid of a lot of my things. This will make all of our travels much easier. My question is this...how does the most sentimental person in the world let go of all of her things that represent so much? A coworker of mine sent me an article that i will attach here after I weed through the zillion emails it could be in. It was written by a woman preparing to move over seas and trying to decide what to store and what to get rid of. She asked herself the question about each item "Does this represent me now or me 10 years ago?"

I started going through boxes this week I had a hard time letting go of anything. Not very surprising I guess coming from me! Would you believe that as I stacked up my 8 year old yellow Ikea bowls my mind filled with little memories of every place I've lived? As I opened my box full of candles the smell brought me back to my apartment in Everett and everything that happened that summer. I let myself sit there a few minutes.. reflecting on the last 8 years before boxing these things up and taking them immediately to the Goodwill near by. I have a long way to go..more boxes to go through, more trips to the Goodwill... BUT I will keep in mind this woman's simple question before I pack or let go.

The ties that bind.

I walked into my papa's hospital room on Monday while him and his roommate were talking about ways he could walk down the aisle at my wedding. They figured a walker would be best. Turns out he does better with a cane. I told him as long as he was there...rolling, walking I DIDN'T care.

He's doing well. Still making physical progress daily. Its hard to say what/if anything mentally has changed.

We talk often about my sister having her baby. This always leads to me being next. He put his request in for a boy. I'll see what I can do.

Besides working and visiting papa, my life consists of attempts at a good night's sleep and exercise. I have a Pilate's session with a personal instructor once a week. He's pretty hilarious. The rest of the time I go to All star Fitness downtown. I HIGHLY recommend it. "The skinny one" in my family, as my grandma calls her, has been coaching me on her diet secrets. While I am not convinced they are all healthy I am trying to combine hers with the pointers I've gotten from my nutritionist. We'll see what happens :)

I don't know if this happens to every bride to be but I've entered the nightmare stage before the wedding. I mean that literally. I have nightmares about the wedding day weekly...from forgetting to get my hair done to losing Mark's ring to not having a dress... Its crazy!

All of this to say LIFE IS CRAZY. but most of us in my family are managing quite well. For those that aren't...we're scheming on the best options for them!

Fear of the unknown.

It has been a little over a week since my grandpa, who we all call Papa, had two strokes. I had just gotten to work when Leanne called. Any time she starts the conversation with "you haven't heard yet?" I know its something horrible. With the help of Carla, my manager at work, I got to my cousin Tami's work and we made our way to the hospital. In the ER everything happens so quickly. People move quickly, talk quickly... Its overwhelming. Thankfully he was only in there for a couple of hours. The next unit of the hospital was MUCH better. I took the rest of the week off of work so that I could be there when all the doctors came. I had sooo many questions!

Papa's stroke was on the right side of his brain so the left side of his body is weak. He has minimal to no movement in his left hand but his arm, shoulder and leg are coming along. He walked 6 feet yesterday in physical therapy in between the parallel bars. He has been moved to a rehabilitation center doing 3-4 hours of therapy a day- speech, occupational, and physical. He's got a great attitude and is determined!

One nurse at Highline told us that right brain strokes are sneaky. Its not always obvious what last affects are left with the stroke victim- emotions, impulsivity, planning, math.. these were things were mentioned as possibilities. He can talk perfectly and his memory is completely in tact. FOR that we are thankful.

For me the scariest part has been not knowing whats going to happen over the next few months. There are no two cases the same with stroke patients. The journey ahead is big and uncertain. We are trying to hold together as a family but I will say situations like this bring out the worst and best in people (as said by my best friend Karyn, an RN). For my family its done just that and its not been fun. The key is taking it one day at a time. Rejoicing in the small things... a raised arm, toes wiggling, all names remembered, the first 6 ft walked... all these things keep us trucking along.

Life changes in an instant.

My grandpa on my mom's side had a stroke yesterday. I don't have much time to write now but just in case anyone reads this please pray for us... send us your good thoughts....

All of our 26th Birthdays.

Many of those around me have celebrated their 26th birthdays this year including myself and Mark. When it comes to my own birthday I'd rather not make a big deal about it. For Mark's birthday I was here and he was in England :( I look forward to spending many more of our birthdays together.

Last night 8 of us celebrated Jacob's 26th birthday only he wasn't there with us. As Dan said as we toasted to him- "A great night without a great person." Its true. The night was overall very good. The highlight for me being the ping pong. Two years ago yesterday I took Jacob on in a few games of ping pong following a wonderful Italian dinner... Last night the 8 of us recreated that night. The day felt different than I expected... I've reflected a lot on the part of his life that I knew and what runs through my head over and over is that it was a life well lived. Even though it was cut terribly short... he lived a little over 25 years very well.

Life is fleeting isn't it? There is no guarantee that any of us will be here tomorrow.... So I'll try to live my life well. I tend to get bogged down with little things when in the big picture the only thing that matters are the people around you, the people that love you... Isn't it sad that it takes death for me to realize this simple but HUGE truth?

Time marches on.

It has been 9 months since Jacob Dillow was alive. Its 15 days until his birthday. I feel like I am waiting for something that won't come. Its a cross between anticipation and worry. It feels like dread. I don't know what his birthday is supposed to change for me but I feel like it will do something. Good or bad I am not sure.

Death is wierd; you never know how you'll handle it or when paired with guilt... there are not words.

It has been over a year since I've seen or talked to my stepdad. The closer it gets to my wedding the more real his absense becomes and he's alive. You'd think there was something I could do about this one but there isn't.

I am 3 months from moving out of the US... Its one of those times when I long for another point in my life because I want to hang onto something, I want it to be two years ago, the best summer I ever had. I also long for the future because I'm ready to be in England with my future husband... Why can't I focus on right this minute? This minute is hard and uncomfortable and lonely and I can't figure out how to get out of the feelings I have.

A new age bracket...

So today is my 26th birthday. I had to fill out a survey for work today and at the end you had to fill in your age bracket. Today I had to make 26-35!! I swear it feels like I just graduated highschool.. where did 8 years go so quickly??

With the next year of my life beginning I thought I should outline some goals for this year...

1. Take atleast one class when I get to England. I have been going back and forth about going back to school for a couple of years now. I have a two part dream- I would like to do two things:

• Be a wish granter for the Make A Wish foundation


• Go to school to become a nutritionist. My dream job in this field is to be a nutritionist in a children's hospital setting working with CF patients.

What keeps me from this goal is my inadequacy in math... I was also a mediocre student in highschool and in earning my now pointless associates degree. So I don't have much going for me on paper which has made me hesitant to even try to get in somewhere.... SOOO That is why my goal is to start small. Maybe if I take ONE class I'll see that I can actually succeed!

2. Continue on my journey to fitness and conquering the fight within myself.

3. Do a half marathon in the US and one in the UK.

4. Learn how to cook meals for Mark! I am more of a baker at the minute.

5. Enjoy my new home:

The greatness of working downtown Seattle...

The best part of working downtown is being just a few blocks away from Pikes Place Market. TOURIST central! And I even though I look super serious here- I was really excited to have frozen yogurt! :)

Its been a whirlwind of a couple of days. Finances are really stressful... As i am sure everyone knows. Planning a wedding adds to that stress..

So I decided I'd have some frozen yogurt therapy.

It helped. You should try it.

FRIED.

And surprisingly I am not talking about food in the title.

We had an eventful weekend! We got to spend a lot of time with family as well as some cute puppies we both love...went to a Mariners game and Fado on Saturday. We did the CF walk on Sunday followed by a kayak trip around Lake Union. From those two events I completely FRIED my shoulders. It is the worst burn I have ever had or atleast that I can remember. I can't lift my arms up and bra straps are impossible.

Kayaking was an experience. I have only done it one time before and that was in Greenlake so you could just drift around and be fine. In Lake Union it was a little different. I got completely soaked - Mark was completely dry. (we had seperate kayaks by the way) It was really fun.. but I need more practice!

I found this quote the other day and I feel like its my life right now. "It is the end of something simple and the beginning of everything else"

How true can this be? I am less than 5 months away from everything changing? I'll live somewhere else, I'll have a new last name, I won't have a job... CRAZY.

But honestly...I am soooo excited for it all. I know it will have its tough moments..probably lots of them but that aside I am ready to start this new chapter!

P.S.

RUNNING IN THE SAND IS TOUGH. Doing lunges in the sand is even tougher.

Sitting down is a long process today. :) No pain no gain?

We'll see.

LIFE or something like it.

We went to the Puyallup Spring Fair. This completely unflattering picture was taken while we were on The Scrambler. It was fun day but soooo cold!

I like the happiness on our faces.

I've been thinking a lot lately about growing up and the way it affected my eating habits today. I had a stepdad who thought any time I was in a bad mood it meant that I must be hungry. I even recall a time when my family was driving around one evening and he literally threw a McDonalds cheese burger at me in the backseat and told me to eat it. I think this one situation and many more like it were part of the reason it took me a long time to feel hunger or fullness. I also come from a family that just likes to eat something because its good. NOT because we're hungry. My cousin and I were at my grandparents one day years ago and my grandma came in and asked us if we were hungry. We both said no then she said "would you like a crab coctail?" and we quickly said yes.

I do not consider myself an emotional eater fully but I think I have some aspects of that. I also am very guilty of eating just because its good- especially when it comes to dessert!

This week I have been trying to focus on how I feel at different times of the day in regards to eating. I tend to do really well all day- especially at work. Its dinner time thats the hardest for me.

Crazy Crazy.. will write again soon.

Bad decision.

Went to the movies on an empty stomach. I ate popcorn.

Bad day =Bad decisions!

And whats even worse?? I am not even full.

I should stop. Not in a good enough mood for blogging!

Ditched,

Jessie

If things were different...

I've thought a lot about Jacob today. I went through and read over our last email conversation we had 3 days before his death. It was such a simple conversation about mostly his hair... Its funny to think the last thing I ever said to him was "if you are going to get cornrows make sure you get it done by a professional...:) " We had just talked back and forth about him being home from Australia and how life is really the same even though 10 months had passed... and he was excited to return to Australia for a couple months once his wisdom teeth were out.

And just two days later he died. Death is just wierd. My mind still doesn't get it or maybe it just doesn't want to. It's wierd that its a new year and its one he did not live in.

Its just not right or fair or anything that makes sense. Its only sad.

and if things were different he would have not missed last weekend's Fremont Cystic Fibrosis pub crawl for the world. I would have heard his crazy laugh outside the Red Door. I would not have had to take a prarie fire shot in his memory.

Engagement Photo Fun :)

We spent about an hour last Saturday with our photographer Amy Walton- in the misty RAIN at Golden Gardens. Despite the questionable weather- all had fun and she did AN AMAZING job. Just in case you're needing a photographer for anything- check her out:

http://www.amywaltonphotography.com/-/amywaltonphotography/default.asp

You can dream about it every now and then but you can't go home again...

My mom really likes this song called Flies on the Butter- I think its by one of the Judds... one of the lines in that very song is the title of this blog. Its a sad song; someone looking back to a time in their life they can only dream of now.

Sometimes I do this and it feels great because our dreams, our memories are all we have left. I have dreamed of Jacob only once since his death. In the dream he knew he had died. It was simple...we were just moving his couch and talking about nothing. It was nice to look at him even if only in my dreams. Are memories really set in stone? Will I one day not remember what his laugh sounded like? Will I forget the faces he made when I did something he thought was wierd? I just don't know.

Like I have mentioned before, the grief over Jacob has exceeded the joy in the rest of my life. I am finally getting a balance to this. I finally stopped feeling guilty for grieving. I can't help that his death and my engagement happened so close together. There would have never been a good time for this awful thing to happen to him. I look ahead into my future.. holding close to my heart my past but keeping my focus on today..on tomorrow. Embracing the gift of time.

I am only months away from becoming Mrs. Mark James Underwood. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this. I don't think I really believed I would ever find someone that could really love me. Its wonderful being with the person you know was made for you! He actually gets HERE TOMORROW :) I can't wait. We haven't seen eachother in two months. He'll be here working and we'll hopefully gets lots of the wedding stuff all squared away. I am confidant that us being near eachother again will help me get through this time of loss and sadness I feel. He is my star on this dark cloudy long night. I love him more than words could begin to describe.

More from December and January in England.

We attempted taking our own photos to be used in our fun save the date cards :)

It was interesting!

and very fun!

This is the church we'll have our England wedding at. Its not going to be a proper wedding- just a church blessing and vows since we'll already be married :)
Its in the town of Slaidburn. The church is over 1,000 years old. I absolutley love it!

Christmas in England

We started off the day wearing our new winter accessories Linda bought us :)
Here is the family around the fancy Christmas table- you'll see it all clean shortly! Don't you love our 2008 glasses :)

After you get up and have some family time someone hosts everyone over for drinks- either beer or something like a mimosa. I don't know how to spell it so I won't even try. Then, we all go to the pub until its time for Christmas lunch. The picture above is at Matt and Rachel's house- they hosted this year.

There is a "Cracker" on every plate- two people pull on opposite ends and it pops! Inside are these hats and a silly little toy. I liked the hats!

Above is the fancy Christmas table :)

More to come soon!

To everything there IS a season...

My first post LIVE from England :) I am only two days away from heading back to the US. Mark has been back at work since last Wednesday so that has left me with a lot of alone time for my own thoughts. Dangerous? YES.

I will post again with pictures soon. Mark lost the lead for the camera so we'll have to take the camera in somewhere and put the pics on a disk. So all you see for now is us on New Years Eve.

I titled this "To everything there is a season" because this statement has been reinforced in my life recently. I attribute my rediscovery of this simple truth to a book I read early in my trip. It's titled Eat Pray Love and is written by Elizabeth Gilbert. I highly recommend you read it. Its about a woman who "sets out to examine three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance of wordly enjoyment and divine transcendence." She sets out on this journey after an ugly divorce and depression. As I read I started to realize I could relate, and not to the fun parts of the book but the parts that talked about depression. I had to finally accept what I've been feeling so that I can work through it!

ENOUGH about that. This past month has been a season of barely ANY exercise I am sad to say. Well, it was actually quite nice not having to worry about that while on vacation but since I am in the land where you can't get fat free milk and near a nana who makes the best toffee sauce ever..my waist line is really the sad one. However, I am feeling better finally- I had a 10 day cough/cold/flu thing and am ready to take on the exercise world again. I'll show my waistline whose boss again ;) Afterall, I am getting married in 10 months, this is NOT the time for extra weight. I start my Healthy Bride program next week :) I will be working out with a group of women- the only requirement being you have to be IN a wedding to join. Its a way to work while being around people who won't get annoyed when ALL you talk about is your wedding!

Christmas was very nice. His family traditions are different from mine so that was fun to experience. I will explain more when I have pictures, its more fun with the visual aids.

We booked our church for the blessing in England. Its over 1,000 years old..its going to be beautiful. I am pretty lucky that I get to wear my wedding dress twice! We'll have the Seattle festivities on October 4th and the England ones just two weeks later. One wedding, honeymoon, then second blessing and reception. Will be FUN :)

I will write again soon! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.