It has been 9 months since Jacob Dillow was alive. Its 15 days until his birthday. I feel like I am waiting for something that won't come. Its a cross between anticipation and worry. It feels like dread. I don't know what his birthday is supposed to change for me but I feel like it will do something. Good or bad I am not sure.
Death is wierd; you never know how you'll handle it or when paired with guilt... there are not words.
It has been over a year since I've seen or talked to my stepdad. The closer it gets to my wedding the more real his absense becomes and he's alive. You'd think there was something I could do about this one but there isn't.
I am 3 months from moving out of the US... Its one of those times when I long for another point in my life because I want to hang onto something, I want it to be two years ago, the best summer I ever had. I also long for the future because I'm ready to be in England with my future husband... Why can't I focus on right this minute? This minute is hard and uncomfortable and lonely and I can't figure out how to get out of the feelings I have.
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